New Years

Note: I was going through old files on my laptop and found this from February 2019. It was Spring Festival (Chinese New Year) and I had opted to stay in Beijing rather than travel. I think I was going through a breakup of some sort, just another almost-relationship where the spark fizzled out before it ever really started, and it (clearly) left me feeling pretty low…

The week before the New Year, the city begins to clear out. The roads are quieter, cycling feels a little safer. At first it’s nice, not battling for a seat on the bus, but then it begins to feel empty. There were people here once; now they are gone. They will come back soon. As the new year approaches, things close down. Completely — metal shutters over shop fronts and a giant blue u-lock across the doors at that hole-in-the-wall place, which also has a note scrawled in black marker that they’ll be “back after spring festival.”

On New Years Eve, you wonder if eating soggy, takeaway dumplings alone brings the same luck as making them with a stranger’s family at their home. You watch a lot of movies and somehow the city feels bigger when it’s so empty. Outside is cold, with a wicked wind that cuts through down jackets with ease. You stay inside. It’s warm indoors, comfortable.

Who knew that one week could feel so long. More movies. You finally get through that stash of snacks you brought from home months ago. You think about eating more dumplings, but the memory of the sodden meal days earlier puts you off. You used to love dumplings. You’ll love them again.

Spring festival. It says “spring” but it’s still so clearly winter in this barren, arid city. You ache for flowers, signs of new life, for the water in the canals to thaw. Those things are still months away, but it feels like like a lifetime as the days crawl by.

Day six, and the city starts to breathe again, slowly. The blue u-lock disappears, but the sign remains. Is it still spring festival? Is it “after” yet? It’s still cold, but you start going outside again, if only to relish the warmth of going back inside. Routines start up again. You don’t get a seat on the bus anymore. Cycling gets more dangerous.

Then that day comes, that first day when you don’t have to wear a down jacket and the sun envelops you. You walk to the restaurant and order some dumplings. They’re delicious.

5 February 2019